


I don’t want it to be a one time thing.

by moonlightwolf



Category: Big Mouth (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 00:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21188189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightwolf/pseuds/moonlightwolf





	1. What am I?

It shouldn't have been anything more than a kiss in a stupid smooch or share game in the teachers lounge. In fact it wasn't anything more than that. Jay was forced to do it because he didn't want to get burned! It was only logical that he'd kiss Matthew to save himself the pain of hot teacher coffee!

What happened in the gym though was another story..there was no excuse for what jay did. He made out with Matthew again because he wanted to! There was no pressure or anything to force him to do it. Just the way Matthew talked and how cute and vulnerable he looked while saying that jay was his first kiss. He couldn't help himself. He also couldn't help the way it made his stomach flip and his heart flutter.

This made no sense, he was as straight as a board! But then what was that with Matthew..why did he make him feel this way? And he shouldn't have like the kiss either. But he did. Oh boy did he ever like the kiss. It was different than the kiss with Jessie. It had made his mind go numb and a smile go on his face and he didn't know what was going on with him. 

He was so confused and he had no one to go to! If he looked it up on his computer his bothers might find out and their teasing and beating would only get worse knowing how homophobic they were..and like hell if their mom would care enough to stop them. 

He could always ask Jessie, nick, or Andrew! But if they tell someone then it would get around and he wasn't ready for that. I mean look what happened to Gina when nick told Jessie and Andrew.

Matthew was already out of the question since he was the whole reason why he was confused. Besides he might make him even more confused than he already was knowing him and his sarcastic nature, and smart words.

He didn't even have a hormone monster of his own to talk to seeing that he was horny enough to not have one. 

His pillows, he found out were only a part of his brain and not actually real and sentient. They were to compensate his loneliness and to have someone to talk to.

He's never felt more alone and scared until this point. He questions, but had no one to ask them to and get the answers. He knew he liked girls still but now he might like guys too? He doesn't know what's going on and needed to ask someone..then someone came to mind.  
————————————————————————  
When jay went to school the next day but arrived a half hour early to get their before Matthew or any of his friends were there.  
He got inside and went to the gym room and wasn't surprised to already see coach Steve there setting up for the next P.E class they had that day.  
He took a deep breath before going to him and cleared his thought to get his attention. Which thankfully worked as coach Steve looked at him smiling and waved at him excitedly like a little kid.  
"Hey dude what's up? Why you hear so early?"  
"I-I just had some questions and I d-don't know who else to ask.." Jay said shifting side to side a bit.  
He then let out a gasp. "Is it cause I'm your best friend!!?"  
"Well kind of? But also because I know you won't judge me or tell anyone."  
"Oh of course I won't if it's that serious to you! So go on and tell me!"

Jay then took a deep breath "well yesterday night at the sleep over i...I made out with Matthew...twice..and I really liked it with him! But I still know also like girls! But I don't know what I am! I never heard of someone who likes guys and girls and I was wondering if..you would know or help me?" After jay said that he closed his eyes while looking down nervous of his reaction.

"Well, sounds to me that you're bisexual" coach Steve said with that same carefree tone.

"Bisexual?" He didn't know what that was and was just as confused as ever with that term.

"Well yeah! It means you like both guys and girls! You're in between and that's ok!" Jay was then enveloped in a bone crushing hug, which he assumed Steve did that because he was still tense. 

"Well that...kind of explained one thing but why did I realize it while kissing Matthew? It couldn't have just been because he was a good kisser right? I mean Jessie didn't like me after I kissed her and she said she liked it.." jay started to question this now because he was sure he didn't like Matthew before this but after that kiss...he didn't know what to feel and now knowing he was bi was something he needed to accept was too much for him to handle. 

By this point the hug had ended.

"Well maybe you like him or something? And you only realized it after kissing him?"

"Maybe..but I don't know? I never really liked Matthew before all of this but now I can't get him off my mind! I keep thinking of his eyes, I keep reliving the kiss and I blush whenever I do and I don't know why I suddenly just like him like this now!"

"Maybe you've always liked him but you keep denying it because it would make you different from your friends by liking boys?"

Jay looked at Steve jaw dropped as he looked at him when he realized that Steve was right. Matthew always caught his eye, he always found his snarky remarks quite funny, he was always kind of cute to him. But he thought that was something everyone felt around Matthew.

"By your expression I'm guessing I'm right? Well try to talk to him later then ok? Talk about last night and what it meant to him."

Jay just nodded with a now forming smile "o-ok coach Steve! Thank you so much!" He said as he ran off with his back pack to his locker. He finally know what he was and what was going on! 

He couldn't wait to find Matthew now not even considering rejection. Although now he had a whole 25 minutes to kill while he waited and he didn't exactly want to go home..so he stayed at school waiting for everyone to arrive.

Authors note:so how do you guys like my first ever big mouth/ jay x Matthew chapter? I've always wanted to write one but never got inspiration since there aren't a lot of fanfics and fan art to get inspired from. But all of them are amazing and I recommend you check them out! Also I know that coach Steve is really out of character and that there isn't a lot of jay x Matthew and that jay actually has a different way of finding out in the show that he's bi. But I thought this would be a better way to do it so sorry if it isn't the best.But yeah make sure to leave comments and I'll try to update soon!

Byeeeeee~


	2. This feeling of loneliness

As Jay waited he was trying to prepare what he'd say to Matthew without seeming too awkward. He didn't know how Matthew would be since they didn't talk since then. He hoped things would be ok but he was doubtful.

He could never predict what Matthew would do next. He didn't know how he would feel since he was pretty guarded and often covered his emotions with sarcasm. 

Though he couldn't say he was much different. No one would've guessed that he would be guarded but he'd just picked up on it. After living with two assholes for brothers, parents who don't care, and friends that just tease him he felt like he needed to. 

Anyways, as soon as he collected his thoughts he saw a swarm of kids go through the front door. He was surprised at how much time he spent thinking near the lockers and was grateful that he already put his back pack away and immediately started to look for Matthew so that they can talk. 

————————————————————————  
After a minute or two he finally found Matthews locker. He took a deep breath and went over to him to talk to him.

"Heyyyy Matthew" I internally cringed at how awkward he sounded. Why was this making him so nervous? He knew what he was going to say.

"Hello Jay" Matthew said with no nervousness that jay did. No emotions at all actually. Like their kiss never happened.

"Epic game of smooch or share right? Especially when we continued the game later on but we were in private. And it was still part of the game and not real life?" He rushed out quickly. He was lying straight through his teeth and he didn't know why. 

He knew what he was going to say. He practiced it pretty much a hundred times. But looking at Matthew right in his eyes. He felt so nervous already and talking to Matthew made his nerves worse. 

Matthew on the other hand looked unimpressed by his words and more annoyed and rolled his eyes

"Well I see that your taking us making out very well" he said sarcastically. As Jay started to nervously chuckle and start to blush from the mention of their kiss.

"Is that what we did? Because I barely remember or think about it at all" he rubbed behind his neck. That was an obvious lie. He always thought about it. Especially how much he wanted to do it again how much he enjoyed it.

"Relax it was a one time thing" he rolled his eyes again, unknowingly breaking Jays heart as he just threw away any confidence Jay had left about actually confessing to him. As Jay let out a forced sigh of relief of 'great' he heard Matthew say "see you in the manhole in ten years" as he started to walk away from him after slamming his locker door shut.

"Yeah right I'll see you in the man hole in ten years" he let out a nervous chuckle as Matthew went away. 

When Matthew was no where in sight an the bell rang he decided to skip class since Matthew was in that one. So he snuck to the janitors closet and sat on the floor and curled into a ball. 

He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. He should've expected rejection, a feeling he got too used to. He shouldn't have expected everything to be the way he thought and that Matthew might ever like him back.

He was stupid in thinking so, a fool to think that anyone would like him. 

No one did, not even his own family or friends . It's why he's so alone. Why he resorted into talking to pillows and non-sentient objects. It's why he tries so hard for attention with his magic. It's why he had so many walls built up. He should've never wanted to let Matthew in, to let himself love him. Someone too good for him. Someone he could never have. 

He felt something drop on his hand. He looked down and saw a wear mark on his hand, followed by another and another, until he realized he was crying. It's when he also realized his breathing had went to hyperventilating. He tried to calm down but he couldn't seem to as he was shaking. 

He just let out silent tears and let it come out and then the door knob turn and the door start to open. And he tried to curl up in a ball and forced himself to stop shaking putting a hand over his mouth to silence any noise so the person wouldn't tell he was crying and would hopefully go away.

That didn't seem to be the case though as he heard the door close, the light turn on and a small gasp from the person he still had yet to see, but telling by the low voice it was a guy. Then footsteps were heard making its way towards him and stop in-front of him.

He didn't lift his head, fearing he may appear weak and get laughed at for this. But the person didn't say anything and sat down. He hoped the person wouldn't say anything to him so that he wouldn't have to look up or to talk which he assumed either shaky or hoarse because of the crying.

But that's not what ended up happening. As a few minutes later the guy leaned back onto the wall they were near and let out a small sigh and Jay could feel the persons eyes land on him and stiffened up. He was scared of what the person might do. He curled up tighter and feared the worse.

That was..until he heard the voice of the person who was in the closet with him. Someone he knew all too well and should've expected him to come on here during a class.

"J-jay?.." the boy said with an anxious small voice as I suddenly look up a bit,with hesitation since he didn't know if it was safe to let him see him like this, but after a bit of internal debating he thought that this person was safe,to see if his assumption was correct on who it was.

"A-Andrew.."

And now we leave on a cliffhanger! So stay tuned for more! Make sure to leave constructive criticism and other comments down below and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!


	3. Don’t tell anyone

Jay looked at Andrew still not uncurling from the ball that he's curled up into. 

Jay didn't know what he looked like but it must've been pretty bad, seeing how Andrews expression went from nervous to shocked. It was fair though. Normally he doesn't cry like this with the chance of other people finding him to protect the little amount of masculinity he had.

"Wh-what happened to you? Did someone punch you or m-make fun of you?" Andrew said after a minute.

"N-no..it was just..." jay said looking down not knowing how to continue his sentence without outing himself.. maybe it was   
time for someone to know though. And since Andrew thought he was gay at one point and thought he liked nick maybe he'd understand? But then the dilemma of what if he tells someone and it gets around.

That's the last thing he needed right now. He just learned this about himself and he wasn't ready for everyone in the school ,and god he better hope his family doesn't, to learn about this as well. But this needed to be said, and besides coach Steve,Andrew was the safest person to tell this too. Maybe not about the part that he likes Matthew, but now that he knew he was bisexual himself he needed to tell someone to lift a weight off of his chest.

Jay then took a deep breath as he looked Andrew in the eye. "Andrew can you keep a secret? Like don't tell a soul? Not even the ones in nicks attic or like anyone ever?" He said to make sure Andrew doesn't tell anybody dead or alive cause god knows they can keep a secret.

"Of course I cant if it's this important." Andrew said as he adjusted the way he sat to look at jay with a comforting look in his eyes.

"Well the thing is..I think I'm bisexual..." then what came after that was silence. Pure and utter silence, so much so that it was killing him by the second. 

"Wait actually? You're like the straightest person I know. What happened?"

"W-well I kinda...really like this one guy I know. And I have for so long now and I just realized it today." He blushed a bit as he said this. "Sorry if I'm being awkward about this and stuff but you're like the second person I've told."

"It's ok it's just..wow. Congrats by the way for finding out I'll keep your secret with me. But um if you don't mind me asking.. why are you crying?"

Ah right, the whole reason why they were taking, jay almost forgot about his mini panic attack earlier. "Oh um..I tried to talk to the guy.. cause well I wanted to confess to him..but h-he ignored me and god I think he hates me. Andrew what do I do?" He was ready to start crying again. 

"Am I able to know who the person is? It might help if I know who the guy is?" Jay quickly shook his head at that. "Did he directly tell you that he does like you?" Jay then again shook his head and Andrew sighed "Well..um. God, I'm sorry I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of stuff. U-umm maybe gifts? Small things to put in his locker?"

"G-gifts?" Gifts would be cute but what if he gives Matthew the wrong things and he hated them. But if he sent them anonymously then maybe Matthew would like them? Yeah that sounds good. 

But with what money? Jay had pretty much no money and he couldn't ask his parents for money because they would ask him what it's for. And he's a horrible liar. 

"I don't have any-"

"You can make them"

Ok now that's smart. Jay smiled at that and didn't say any more already knowing what Andrew meant. "Thanks Andrew I owe you big time.. you promise not to tell anyone about this right? I'm not ready to be out yet."

"Sure thing. I mean I haven't told anyone that I'm pan so I guess if you don't tell I won't" 

"Pan?"

"I like all genders."

"Ahh"

Jay looked a little shocked. He thought that he was the only one who liked both boys and girls. But it was nice knowing that he wasn't alone. It was nice though, he had someone he could trust to help him through this that wasn't coach Steve. 

"Thank you so much Andrew I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here" he said as he hesitated before going over and hugging him. He honestly didn't know what he would've done, but he knows it wouldn't have been good. He's glad he calmed down now and can finally breathe normally.

"No problem it's what friends are for." Jay smiled as Andrew said that and nodded. 

"I'll make sure I repay you for this soon dude" Andrew nodded 

"Ok then let's get out of the literal closet." As Andrew said that they laughed a bit at how awkward that sounded and walked out of the closet with Andrew and said their goodbyes as jay just skipped the rest of the school day and walked out with a smile feeling a lot better. But still shitty that Matthew rejected him but now he hade ideas on how to 'woo' him.

He decided that anonymous letters to Matthew and also small gifts like flowers or chocolates in or on Matthews locker. He was excited to get this plan started and he rushed home and snuck into his room and decided to camp there for the rest of the day knowing that no one would go into his room unless they were forced to. Seeing how his pillows are gone they wouldn't need to.

Well he better start getting to work then if he wants all of this done by tomorrow morning. He sighed and got out some paper and a pencil and started to write.

  
Well I hope you liked the chapter! Be sure to catch the next update whenever it may be! So goodbye for now!


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